The Unspoken Comfort of Conversations

UNSPOKEN

It's been a long time since I shared how I feel. Nowadays, I love keeping things to look back on, to remember moments. I usually don’t delete chats with people because they hold a story in so many ways. It’s fascinating how, just through chatting, we can enjoy, connect, and even laugh with strangers.

I love talking to people, and I’ve talked to many strangers out there. It’s really interesting how we humans crave conversation—sometimes making each other laugh, sometimes even having deep conversations about our lives. From my experience, I’ve noticed that people often feel more secure and safe sharing things with strangers. Whether it’s about their daily life or an old memory, it’s not always good, but at least we know who they are. Even if they judge us based on how we chat or our sense of humor, it doesn’t really matter because, in the end, we don’t truly know each other. If we don’t like something they say, we can just stop talking—after all, who are they to us? We aren’t even friends; we just had a momentary connection.

And that’s the thing—having these experiences is nice, but they don’t hurt as much as losing real friends in college, relatives, or cousins. If we have a fight with them, it stays with us, draining us inside. Thoughts like What if they stop talking to me? What if they start resenting me? haunt us because they know what we’re going through, at least on the outside.

This brings me to an important point—showing affection in life. It has always been tough for me because I grew up in a family where people love each other but rarely express it. Acts of kindness or appreciation don’t come easily. Instead, criticism is quick—if there’s a flaw, it’s pointed out instantly, but if there’s something good, it often goes unnoticed. We don’t really share things openly, and when we want to show love, we do it through teasing or playful jokes rather than direct affection.

So when I stepped into college, I saw something different—people were more expressive. At first, I thought it was fake, and to be honest, I still have that doubt. But what I did notice was how much girls here support each other. They have each other’s backs, they pass compliments even on the smallest changes, and honestly, that feels good. This was strange for me at first, but over time, I adjusted and started enjoying it.

It really makes my day when someone appreciates me—whether it’s noticing how I improved in something or just complimenting how I look that day. Those little moments keep me uplifted the whole day. My confidence skyrockets, and I feel like, Today’s the day, Kusum—you can do anything! Haha, just kidding—but also, kind of true.

But when it comes to hugging or any touchy gestures to show happiness or sympathy, it still feels unfamiliar to me. If I do it, I don’t really feel anything—unless I have a deep bond with that person. How does a hug comfort someone? I don’t fully understand it yet, but maybe I will by the time I finish college.

What I do fear, though, is expressing what I feel for people. What if they expect more from me? What if I can’t put my feelings into words properly? What if they take it the wrong way? What if, after knowing how much they mean to me, they decide to leave?

In the end, it all depends on them—how they perceive me, my thoughts, and how well they truly know me.

Note to myself: If someone misunderstands me and leaves, don’t worry about it. They didn’t really understand me, and that’s okay. If they don’t get me, there’s no reason to stress over it.

Okay, that’s enough for today.